You’re Not Doing It Wrong: A Better Way to Respond in Dementia Care
There are moments in providing care for someone living with dementia that no one really prepares you for.
You’re doing your best: Answering questions, managing routines, trying to keep everything together. And yet, somehow, it still feels like you’re getting it wrong. The same questions come again and again. Simple conversations turn into tension. By the end of the day, you’re not just tired. You’re emotionally drained.
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone.
And more importantly, you’re not doing it wrong.
At Still Waters, we work directly with primary caregivers in their home, walking alongside them in the day-to-day reality of caring for someone living with dementia and all the nuances that come with that role. We do this to help you feel more confident, more steady, and more supported in the moments that matter most.
As a primary caregiver, you are not doing this without intense effort — you’re doing this without the right kind of navigational support and guidance.
A Small Shift That Can Change Your Day
There’s one simple adjustment we recommend to all our clients that makes a meaningful difference almost immediately:
Instead of correcting your loved one, try joining them where they are.
When someone living with dementia says something that isn’t accurate, your instinct might be to gently correct them.
For example:
PLWD: “I need to go pick up my kids from school”
Caregiver: “Your kids are all grown up — you don’t need to do that anymore.”
It makes sense. You’re trying to orient them, to help them understand and differentiate between what’s real today and what’s in the past.
But often, correction doesn’t bring clarity — it creates frustration, confusion, or even fear and distrust in you.
Instead, try stepping into their reality for a moment:
Caregiver: “Tell me about your children —what are their names?”
“You sound like a really dedicated parent — what do you like to do with your kids after school?”
This small shift can completely change the tone of the interaction. It lowers anxiety, builds connection, and helps your loved one feel seen and understood rather than corrected.
Why This Works
Dementia changes how the brain processes information.
As the disease progresses, areas of the brain responsible for logic, reasoning, and short-term memory, particularly the frontal and temporal lobes, become impaired. This makes it difficult for your loved one to accurately process facts, retain new information, or follow logical explanations.
At the same time, the parts of the brain that process emotion, such as the amygdala, remain relatively preserved until the later stages. This means your loved one may not remember the facts or timelines, but they will feel your tone, your presence, and your response.
When we focus on correcting the facts, the brain often cannot make sense of that information, which can lead to confusion, frustration, or even a sense of being threatened.
But when we respond to the emotion underneath the statement or question, we are communicating in a way the brain can still understand.
This creates a sense of safety.
When someone feels safe, the nervous system is less likely to move into distress or escalation. Instead, the moment has space to settle, leading to calmer and more connected interactions.
You are responding to the emotions they are feeling, rather than the words they are saying.
What This Means for You
This isn’t just about making things easier for your loved one. It’s about making your day more manageable too.
When you shift away from correcting and lead into connecting:
You reduce conflict and repeated back-and-forth
You spend less energy trying to “fix” the moment
You create calmer, more cooperative interactions
You begin to feel more confident in your responses
It’s a small change, but it can significantly lighten the emotional weight you’re carrying.
The Support You Deserve
Caring for someone living with dementia is deeply personal, and often, deeply overwhelming. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, and no caregiver should have to navigate this journey without support.
At Still Waters, we walk alongside primary caregivers to provide guidance that is practical, compassionate, and tailored to your unique situation—and your unique loved one. We help you understand what’s happening, why it’s happening, and how to respond in a way that feels grounded, sustainable, and repeatable in multiple situations.
With the right support, this journey doesn’t have to feel so heavy.
It can become more manageable.
More meaningful.
More connected.